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Eliminating Self Doubt
Today we’re going to talk about overcoming self doubt, and believing in yourself.
One of the hardest things that some people ever do is to try to transform themselves from whatever trauma – whatever bullshit – they got and childhood has told them that they’re not enough and they’re not good enough or they don’t have the skills or the capacity to achieve stuff.
Transforming that person from being full of self doubt and craziness to somebody who’s confident, somebody who takes on risk, somebody who understands that life is a game or adventure and they can feel free to do and behave in the ways that they want to behave, transforming yourself from a person with self doubt to somebody who’s self assured is one of the hardest things to do.
But… the truth is that no matter where you are in life right now. No matter how many mistakes you made or how you fucked up, or how many opportunities you missed, No matter what happened. You can totally overcome yourself out and start believing in yourself, because it’s a matter of focus. And so we’re going to dig into this over the next, I don’t know, I think six seven days. We’re going to dig into where this weird self doubt comes from, how to stick it on the shelf so you don’t have to let it influence your behavior anymore.
We’ll talk about how of deal with your focus so that you can step into the next level of doing whatever the fuck you wanted to do.
Start to kill self doubt now
So congratulations for hearing this podcast or reading this blog soaking it in implementing the stuff that’s good. We’re going to lay out over the next few days. Once you do, you’re going to find that you’re going to be focusing on much better more productive and happy-making parts of your life.
You’re going to be able to see different results (sometimes results are all about focus and not about doing what you thought you needed to do in your limited frame of mind)
What is the definition of self-doubt?
So we’re going to start learning what self doubt is. We’ll ask a couple of questions to get your mind going to bring some self awareness into the equation.
The dictionary definition of self doubt is;
“The lack of confidence in oneself and in one’s abilities.”
So this is a pretty good definition but doesn’t fully demonstrate all the problems that self doubt can create for the purposes of what we’re going to talk about here, self doubt is;
anything that limits your behavior based on the limits you believe that you have.
Now, you can have self doubt in areas that don’t mean anything to you. Like, I am five eight relatively thick. I’m 40 years old. I doubt that I could make it. In the NBA.
\That is a level of self doubt that is okay. It’s not a problem that I’m not going to make it in the NBA, because I don’t really give a fuck if I make it in the NBA or not.
The only thing I really care about when we’re talking about self doubt for the purposes of this podcast and this blog is the kind of self doubt that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do, or getting the results that you want to make. So, in the lens of what self doubt is you don’t have to take out self doubt in your life, like you know, oh I gotta stop doubting myself, I gotta believe I’m good at everything I gotta destroy all my limiting beliefs
Fuck That.
Just find the things that you want to do, and and nail down the parts where you doubt yourself that keep you from doing those things. If you want to get out of debt and you don’t believe that you can well there’s some limiting beliefs in there that are plaguing you that are not necessarily true.
I had a mentor, a while back, his name is Owen cook he runs a self development company in LA. He used to say that nobody’s cut from a different cloth. If one man can do it. Any man can do it.
Now, I’m not sure that that’s completely true. There’s a level of luck and timing and talent and interest and passion like there’s all these things that go into the mix, but technically it’s possible to model somebody when they’re doing something or moving in a particular direction or going accomplishing things creating results.
It’s possible to model exactly what they’re doing. And if you keep the variables pretty variables pretty close, you’re probably going to get similar results.
So there’s plenty of people out there who are making over six figures a year. Now, their lifestyles and their mindsets are probably different than somebody who’s making you know 35 K a year or working you know in a, you know, retail or service job and have to survive only on tips, their, their strategies are different, their methodology is different, their mindsets are different.
So, if the person who is working at a low end job wants to increase their financial income, then it would probably behoove them to start thinking and implementing strategies of the people who consistently make a lot more than that. Do you do I think that normal people with out of the exceptional luck, have and skill set over years and years of wisdom and time that Warren Buffett has could ever reach his level of riches and wealth. No, I don’t think so. I think. Warren Buffett’s an outlier.
But I do think that there are plenty of people who make a reasonable amount of money, 100 200 300 k year that you can have access to a whole bunch of their data and their strategies model them, and then end up doing what they’re doing.
So that’s just kind of an example like when we’re talking about self doubt. I’m talking about the self doubt that keeps you from doing what you want.
It keeps you from getting the results you’re looking for. I don’t really care about, if you doubt yourself and some sort of weird. Fantastic ability like I sure wish I could levitate. Okay well, maybe you can, but you need to go find somebody to the model who has already levitated and let them teach you. If you can’t find a model for it, then what I’m trying to say here is probably not going to work.
Change How You Think About Self Doubt
As you’re defining self doubt for yourself; I wanted you to think about these questions. So first question is what are the dangers of self doubt. Like, if you are sitting around, keeping yourself from behaving in the way that you want to behave, because you’re afraid, or you don’t think that you’re going to be able to do it or you don’t think you have the capacity. What are you missing out on in life. If you wrote a five year plan out. And you held yourself back from every situation that you doubted yourself, and instead of taking the risk and jumping forward in life. Where would you be in five years. Like explore that in your mind like put yourself on the timeline and be like, Okay. In five years from now, I’m going to come up against the same things over and over again because generally we do, we come up with the same things, we come up against the same problems. and then we react in the same ways, most of the time. It’s kind of like autonomic automated programs from childhood all in there.
I teach in the dating field. I teach guys how to develop the confidence to talk to women, and I recently started teaching women about the confidence to select their men well and set boundaries.
Doubt is Fear in Disguise
Time and time and time again you have to get everybody over the fear before anything else. They’re not used to going up and talking to people so they won’t go up and talk to people they’re afraid of rejection or they’re afraid of social reprisal or whatever they’re worried about they’re worried, they’re gonna look stupid they were worried, they’re not going to win. They’re worried, they’re not going to succeed. \
All they do is take themselves out of the dating scene.
Dating in its essence is getting somebody in front of you and then qualifying them to see if they’re worth keeping in front of you, for longer.
The whole point of dating is to qualify them to see if they fit into your life. It’s almost like a job interview for intimacy. Why would you expect every candidate to win?
That’s silliness.
No, you need to go out and you got to screw up every once in a while, you got to evaluate people some people just aren’t compatible and there’s nothing wrong with them, they just don’t match you on your kind of energy that wavelength or whatever.
***It’s perfectly okay to not date people who don’t match you. ***
For instance, I travel a lot. I’m gone all the fucking time. If I was dating somebody who really needed me to be at home, like six, seven days a week, that just wouldn’t work.
We don’t have similar goals or interests, and so why the hell would I want to date somebody that wanted to stay and be a homebody?
That’s weirdness.
I don’t date those people. Nothing wrong with them. nothing wrong with the way they run life, but it’s okay to filter them out so in that, in that way.
It’s okay to take risk.
If I was afraid of dating people who didn’t match me and so then I didn’t date at all then I’d never find myself a partner.
I see this time and time again with these guys that hire me to come out to there and do seminars in their cities, time and time again they’re just like, Oh, yeah, I haven’t really had a girlfriend in like five years or whatever, because like I’m afraid to go.
Shut up, dude. You have to at least try it, right?
When you try you, you start learning things you know they say you know you either win or you learn or, you know, failure is a lesson or whatever, all of that stuff is true. If you don’t try it all, you keep yourself out of the dating scene, you keep yourself out of finding new people, then you’re out of the social scene finding other ways to distract yourself and then all of a sudden you’re lonely at 35 and 40. Then you let the major parts of your life pass you by.
And now you’ve got to worry about dealing with the dating scene in your 50s, which is possible, but not ideal. Just get over the fear, early. And then you’re not stuck catching up.
I want you to think about what the dangers of holding onto your self doubt is also want to think about how self doubt is affecting your life right now.
What are you losing out on right now because you’re not behaving in the way that you want to or you know you should, because you don’t think you can. Because you have doubt in your abilities or in the outcome.
Just make a list like, what are five things right now that you’re held back on in life because you won’t take action or take risk?
The next question I want you to consider is where does self doubt come from? In general, in your life. Who told you that you weren’t enough, what situations can you remember from the past, that sort of formulated your self concept?
Who said; you’re not good enough to do this, you shouldn’t even try this because it’s never going to work for you? People like you don’t do things like this?
Find those things in your life, in your formative years like most of the time when we don’t believe in ourselves, that opinion comes from somebody else. It was modeled for us. It was created by somebody else’s understanding, and we just sort of passively accepted it. And then we allowed ourselves to gain reference experiences on that over and over the years. After accepting it, we really kind of limited ourselves based on somebody else’s idea. So, figure out where those ideas come from.
How to figure out how to fix your self-doubt
I truly believe that you were born with all the tools that you need to handle your fucking life. Any strategies or tactics or things that you need to model and pull from elsewhere, you have the tools to go do that so I’m gonna ask you a question right now to focus on what if you knew how to overcome the existing self doubt that you’re, you’re thinking about right now over this last couple of mental exercises, how would you do it. Like* if you did know* how would you do it strategically?
Some people are like, Oh, I don’t know if I could ever lose weight. So I’m just gonna Hammond however diets and gyms and whatever right but they know deep in their soul. They just need to stop eating ice cream every goddamn night and move around a little bit more, and things to probably figure themselves out.
You kind of know what to do to get the results you’re looking for. So you probably know what to do to ignore your self doubt. Now, if you’re not terribly practiced at it, it’s not going to be easy. I’m not telling you that this is like easiest shit that anybody can just pick up and do conceptually because behavioral motivation is a complicated thing. You’re unique person, there’s not a one size fits all answer, but just think; How would you want to overcome it.
Go ahead and write some of this stuff down in your journal. If you don’t have a journal, as you move forward through these lessons get a journal.
I’m going to be doing this every day for the next – God knows how long, like, years – So, as you kind of settle in with me here at self positive and we keep moving forward on this shit, please keep an open conversation. Keep a journal, because you can really kind of see your progress and how your mindset shifts and things change.
Answering These Questions Will Help You Understand Self-Doubt
Write down in your journal these four questions;
What are the dangers of self doubt? How to self doubt affect your life right now? Where do you think your self doubt comes from? How do you think you would overcome and if you had to?
Go to write down some of those answers.
If you got any ideas or epiphanies from this thing. Please leave in the comments box or send me a message over social I’m all over the place. @dukedelaet, and I’ll be back tomorrow with the second in the self doubt series.
And until then, fucking you’re enough, believe in yourself and stay positive.